Friday, April 07, 2006

My friend Pat Walsh posted an entry on his blog today on this subject and I was writing such a long comment on it that I just decided to post it on my own blog…(for Pat's entry, please visit Pat's Blog)

I have been SO annoyed with myself lately, because all I ever seem to be able to come up with are comments on the weather. Really, I think it's just a result of feeling very awkward about small talk in general. I just don't like it. So when I'm in a situation where I feel like I have to make conversation with someone I don't know very well (ie the elevator at work), typically my mind goes blank and all I can think to say is something to the extent of, "God, it's really cold out." Which is pretty much immediately followed up in my head with, "God, you are such a moron. Can't you think of anything better to say than a declaration of the weather?" It’s just always been my go-to conversation…

In fact, there was this guy I liked in one of my classes in college that I didn't know very well, but we would walk out of class every day together. This was very exciting for me, but the problem was, "Shit I've got him alone.... Now what?" I would always panic and start talking about the weather. Literally every day. I started to realize he probably thought I had Asperger Syndrome or something. I mean, it was like all I ever talked about was the weather, like I was obsessed with it, and I knew it was dumb but I just couldn't stop. Every day, as soon as we parted ways, I would kick myself at being such a doof.

I even have this problem sitting around before improv class or on our breaks. We perform together for three hours, but the minute I have to make conversation, my mind goes blank. I just get myself so stressed about coming up with something to say that my mind cannot even function. Yes, the irony in the fact that this occurs even after a class that’s supposed to teach me how to make up entire scenes off the top of my head is apparent to me. In improv class, someone shouts out a suggestion to get us started. Wouldn’t it be nice if that happened in regular life? You get on the elevator, someone shouts, “Onions!” and then you’re all, “Onions?! Whew, this one time I ate all these onion rings…” I would never have a dull conversation. That’s all I need, just that initial initiation of an idea, and I’m golden. Then again, maybe I just need a prescription for Xanax.

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