Alas, it's Father's Day and I have yet to actually call my dad. Tiffany and I were buying a card for her dad the other day and we realized the cards that say what we'd truly like to tell our dads just don't exist.

Here are my suggestions for Father's Day cards:

1) I'm a crappy daughter. You're a crappy dad. We make a great team. Happy Father's Day!
2) Dad, you have great moments. Happy Father's Day!
3) Thanks for embarrassing me in Fifth Grade in front of all of my friends. Who needs friends anyway? Happy Father's Day.
4) You've been an okay dad this year. Happy Father's Day.
5) My friends really like listening to your long-winded guilt trip voicemail messages. Thanks for providing us with some solid entertainment. Happy Dad's Day!
6) Sorry I didn't get you anything this year, but I figured your new kids had it covered. Happy Father's Day.

You get the picture. I had better call my dad right now before I rot in hell.