Way back in 2004, roughly this same time of year, I sat down to interview comedian Fred Armisen for the NBC Page Newsletter. As a comedy geek, it was one of my highlights that year. Fred was super nice and is still nice whenever I randomly contact him to this day.

Please find the published article below- keep in mind this was two years ago and directed toward a bunch of Pages.



WIN A DATE WITH FRED ARMISEN (Dreams do come true…)

A Brief Introductory Message from Fred Armisen

“So, hello Pages, this is me, this is Fred Armisen, and you guys are all doing such a great job. Except for you, and I think you know who I’m talking about. We don’t know what you do, and it doesn’t matter, cause you guys all look so nice and you’re so polite. But, how lame is it when people go to—the only floors that matter are 17 and 8, and I’m so irritated when people stop at the mezzanine level or whatever that is. You guys, no more! Go to the 1st floor and the 8th floor, that’s all you need to do, the middle thing is just-- it doesn’t even count as a floor. Second thing, when you’re giving tours, you cannot take tour groups into the bathroom. I’m in there. I’m busy. Save it for another time. I’d appreciate that. Also, every time I go past, you guys are always talking about who’s in the cast, and what the schedule is like and you always seem to mention when Martin Lawrence was on the show. Why do you always mention that? Anyway, I love you guys all very much.

Let’s go over a few training things. The NBC lapel is to be worn on the top left corner. Top left corner. That’s number one. Also, when seeing a cast member or producer, you salute with your left hand.”

We Met at the Malt Shop. He Wanted to Go Steady…

I’m sitting across from Fred Armisen at a stainless steel table in a malt shop on the Upper West Side. A malt shop? Yes, a malt shop. I’ve ordered a chocolate milkshake, and we’ve settled on a cup of coffee and a cup of chocolate ice cream for him.

Fred Said…
…On how he got into comedy: “Well, Sam, it happened like this: I was a drummer in a band for a long time, and then I played for Blue Man Group, and then, on my own, I just started making comedy videos just for fun. One thing led to another and next thing I knew I was doing standup comedy and then auditioning for SNL. I went through all the regular channels. My agent sent them a tape. They called me in to audition and it was very exciting to audition, Sam, and the rest I don’t remember.”

…On his SNL audition: “Whenever you do an SNL audition, that’s all building stuff. You know where the Third Bank elevators are, where the Fourth Bank elevators are, where all the exits are…and I had memorized it, so I did really good on that. And also the elevator schedules. I had taken the tour, where you tell me about Martin Lawrence…Um, no I had to do some characters and stuff. That’s what I did, and some impressions, you know?

…On how he found out he got on the show: “When I left the building, Marci Klein called me and it was the best phone call I ever got in my whole life. In fact, it was so good that I have it saved in my phone as the “Best Call Ever.”

…On what he does with his time off: “I work. I work on writing and doing standup comedy. I don’t like having time off, I like just working.”

…On standup versus improv: “I like doing standup better than improv, because I don’t know improv that well. I didn’t learn it, so I’m used to standup, cause then I’m just on my own, you know?”

…On college: “Maybe…imagine if I just left it at that. Maybe. Yes I did. I went to School of Visual Arts on 23rd Street. Yeah. I studied film. And originally I went because I wanted to meet musicians to be in a band with—and I did, so…It was a good place to be. It was nice, but it was kind of lame in many ways. A lot of very businesslike people there who just wanted big commercial movies…They were really into Spielberg. Anyway, well, what’s the moral? Don’t go to college, you don’t really need to. Intern somewhere and you’ll end up where you want to end up. Yeah, no, I mean go. Please go to college. Learn how to play an instrument. Try to dress nice.”

…On the NBC Pages: “They’ve always been really nice. They seem good, but they change so fast. Every year we get a different set at the desk. Why do they do that? Is it a paid job? You probably get more than we get paid. Actually I get paid well, but I give the rest to Christian charity.”

…On being a Repertory Player: “No, it’s no different. It doesn’t make a difference. They were very respectful of me and nice to me when I was a featured player, and they’re the same way now. It doesn’t make a difference. That’s just I think, all featured players, their way of saying to the audience, like, ‘Here’s the new guy. Don’t freak out. Don’t change the channel. He’s very handsome. He’s very good looking and very buff and strong, so don’t get intimidated by that.’ But, no, it’s no different at all. Same job. Same everything.”

…On Rob Riggle: “Aw, I love that guy! He’s a good guy. A funny guy, and he’s really nice, and I like him. I’ve said nice like 50 times this interview. But, he’s a very good guy.”

…On Lorne and the other producers: “They’re as open as you want them to be. It’s kind of up to you. If you want to talk to them, they’re there to talk to and if you’re working, you’re working. But usually at the parties, at the SNL parties, is where you can like socialize with them.”

…On the after party: “It’s funny, cause everyone wants to go. And I get so mad about that. I’m like, ‘Why do you want to go—why are you hassling me to go to this party? It’s nothing. It’s like going to a restaurant. So, I’m always happy when they’re bored. I’m kind of passive aggressive. You know, I hope [they] have a horrible time, after hassling me all week to get tickets.”

…On getting ticket requests from random friends: “I don’t want to complain, cause you know it’s probably bad to complain about anything, I’m so lucky to have this job at all. But, G-d damn, it’s like the way people are just like crazy—a little pushy about getting tickets and unforgiving and like, they kind of expect me to be there. And they want a lot—they want to go to the party, they want to go to the dressing room, they want to be everywhere. And, to me, it’s a workplace. It’s not a party place. So, I’m sorry if I’m not thrilled that you’re there, but like, I have stuff to think about. And there are so many people—I mean people I have heard from literally in like 20 years—that is the first question out of their mouth. They’re like, ‘Fred, I used to work with you, blah blah blah, can I get tickets?’ But, I will say no. Here’s my secret: Sometimes I do have tickets, but I say no anyway. I’m like, I can’t deal with this. I can’t deal with this. I have a little brain.”

…On boxers or briefs: “I wear boxers… like plaid. Like red and blue and black and green -- just little patterns like that, you know? Just something from the Gap or something. It’s just easy to buy cause like those are everywhere, so you just grab them.”

…On cross-dressing: “If I have to do it for a sketch it’s fun, but it’s hard being in all that gear. High heels are hard to walk in…and I always get hair in my mouth and stuff.”

…On career goals: “I wanna just—I haven’t thought that far ahead. I just want to keep this going and try to create funny things, you know? That’s all I want to do.”

…On the current quality of SNL: “I love the cast and the writers. Funny, smart people.”

…On show criticism: “If people want to talk about the show, then that’s great. If they want to spend their time talking about the show they can knock themselves out. I don’t care what they say. They can keep on talking about it, that’s fine.”

…On how he get sketch ideas: “Watching TV and just walking down the street. I walk along Central Park and just listen to my Ipod and I just try and come up with stuff, you know? Just zoning out. With some luck, something will come…If the music’s instrumental, I can come up with something better. I just picture something happening to that music. If it’s an instrumental, that’s what works.”

…On his best friends in the cast: “I’d say Rachel Dratch and Tina Fey. She lives really close by—her and her husband, Jeff and I always see them all the time. Everyone, I’m friends with everyone in the cast.”

…On how he started working out: “I became vain once I started watching the show. I was like, wait a minute, I wanna try and look good. It’s not like I go every day…You just check yourself out and go, wait a minute, I want to look a little better than that. It’s nothing to the point of plastic surgery, it’s more like just fine tuning a little bit, that’s all. It makes me feel better about myself exercising a little bit.”

…On his love life: “I was dating someone for about a year, and then, I lived with this girl when I first moved here. I got the job, but then she broke up with me cause I got too into the job. Some people manage to do it, but I don’t know how they do it. All my brain power goes to this job.”

“Anyway, well, we’re wrapping up the interview and here are some more words of advice:

Make sure to cheat on your tests. Copy off of somebody else. Spend all of your money and play lots of video games.

But, I love you all very much, I really do. For all I know, all you guys are janitors, I’m sorry. I thought you guys were janitors. I’m sorry, that’s what I thought. Anyway, okay, give me a call [number not shown]. PLEASE call me.”